Call sign Maniac: "When we were being taken away, I had to lie on corpse. Then psychologists came up and asked if I needed help."
Roman sees death and does his best to save lives. He admits that in order not to lose self-control, he always remembers why he does his job. He is a military medic with the 36th Marine Brigade and a tactical instructor. He has the call sign Maniac. He received it from his comrades because he gives his best. He believes that saving Ukrainians is better than killing enemies.
- And I can also teach them, so that these people can help even more of ours in the future. It's cool!" he explains to me in an interview. "This way I multiply the effectiveness of my work many times over. It's a great feeling!
-Why did you choose the Marines?
- On 28 April 2022, when I joined the Armed Forces, I was sent to study to become a medic. And in May, the issue of Ilyich Iron and Steel Works and "Azovstal" was just coming up. I realised that after those events, the marines were definitely short of people, including medics. So I looked at where I could be most needed. That's why I chose the 36th Marine Brigade. In addition, I did my conscript service in the Navy. It's like my element. I was drawn to it.
- When were you in active service?
- 2012-2013. Those were the rough early days of the post-Soviet army. I served in Sevastopol. There is not much to tell about that period.
- In 2014,the Russians seized Crimea. How did you feel about it?
- I was frankly sorry. Crimea is a very beautiful region.
- And what kind of people do you think are there?
- I will say this: not everyone agreed to be on the side of Ukraine. Unfortunately, there were many who were happy that the Russians came.
- Are you talking about the military or in general?
- In general. Remember, the problem was that we had no Ukrainian historical centres, libraries, or schools there, even though the language was taught. That is, people were not taught our culture.
- What is the story with Donbas?
- In my opinion, it is not. I know the people of Donbas quite well. The Russians just swooped in and used the poorly educated population there. Somewhere, the Ukrainian government "backed down" a bit. They could have used force against the terrorists, which they had every right to do. Of course, everything would have been different. Instead, the enemy felt that we were giving in and took advantage of it.
- Did you realise that the Russians could launch a full-scale offensive?
- After the annexation of Crimea, there was a real threat of the Russians using the army for a full-scale invasion. The guys and I were playing airsoft - we were training to act as a guerrilla unit in case of further war. Although we were all younger, we did not fully understand everything.
- Where have you been on 24 February 2022? What was that day like for you?
- I have been in Kyiv. I was woken up when they started shelling Boryspil. I lived nearby. I opened the telegram. I saw that a full-scale war had started. We had an emergency suitcase packed, so my family and I left for western Ukraine. I decided to take my family abroad. I returned on the ninth of March. And then it started to happen!
- And where did you go?
- I joined the TDF. I went to Irpin and Bucha to provide assistance. As a volunteer medic, because I'm not much of a fighter.
- What have Irpin and Bucha become for you?
- It was a disaster! Not just for me, but for the whole of Ukraine. What happened there is a "scar" that will remain on the "body" of our motherland forever. Not only because of what the Russians did there, but also because of what our people did to theirs.
- What do you mean by that?
- For example, how those who had been in the ATO and JFO were handed over. Unfortunately, there were some of our "comrades" who were worse than the enemy. Because of them, a part of the adequate normal population suffered, who simply did not have time to escape from the Russian plague.
-Tell us a story from those days that you remember the most.
- I was most impressed by the atmosphere and what I saw around me. Everyone remembers the road of death in Bucha - Yablunska Street, which was littered with corpses. It really touched me... We went in while it was still dark. At first, I didn't see everything - I was sitting on the stretch, because civilians don't get thrown into this kind of thing right away. When it got a little light, I helped around the place. People came to us. An elderly man asked for food. He was very hungry and very thin. We gave him some canned food. I also remember how we took out the corpses from the basement. There are many moments that fit into the general perception of utter horror.
- Were you scared?
- It was very unpleasant when something would fly or explode somewhere and you realised that someone's life had been cut short. It wasn't so much fear for my own life as despair over what was happening in general.
- How to deal with it? What to do in this state?
- Work and continue to do what you can. That's the only way! There are no other options.
- Where have you been after the Kyiv region?
- I returned home. I decided to join the Armed Forces. I was understood and supported at home.
- And you decided to stay a doctor?
- Of course! It's not for everyone. I knew what medical training was. I took civilian and "Disaster Medicine" courses. Yes, I did not fully understand and know everything. But I got the basics. Although it is not for everyone, I like it.
- What was the most difficult thing for you to master?
- This may sound presumptuous, but it's nothing. I'll repeat: I really like my job, so there was nothing too difficult for me. It's terrible when there are '300s'. I'm not happy when people suffer. But I'm happy to help and do what I can.
- Where were you sent when you joined the 36th Brigade?
- I joined the infantry in a newly formed battalion. At first, we were on the territory of a prison. I can tell you that this is a unique experience (smiles - O.M.). We lived there, we were trained. It was such an army experience.
- Why there?
- This is a good cover and an opportunity to accommodate a large number of people. Someone smart "on the top" thought it would be better.
- What happened after this training?
- We went to Bereznehuvate, Mykolaiv region, where our battalion had already come under fire. The main battle started there. I got into a full-fledged battle. I was scared like a little girl (laughs - O.M.). Honestly, I was crying. I'm telling it like it is. There is no need to be ashamed of this. This is a reaction to acute stress. Of course, the first time out was difficult and challenging. There were "200s" and "300s". In general, there were many moments that will never be forgotten...
- For example?
- In August 2022, we had a case when the signalmen had to go on a mission. We had coffee and a chat beforehand. Then they got into the "beha" (BMP-1) and went on a mission. Half an hour later, the beha returned. The driver is shouting something, waving at us. I went to the back door. I open it, and there is a mud on my feet. I see these signalmen in the car. One of them had half his body destroyed. He had a "mask" of horror on his face. Before he died, he realised what had happened. The second one had his leg blown off above the knee. He also had a barotrauma. He did not even have time to understand what had happened to him. I cannot forget not only this picture, but also the smells that were there. You understand... I did something very wrong then - I let everything go through me. I thought, what if I had been in their shoes? You can't do that. I was having a hard day. I was just doing my shift.
- You have to see such terrible things. How not to lose self-control?
- I just know why I do my job. There is such a thing as the greater good. For the military, it is the territorial integrity and independence of the country. I understand that if I lose my temper, if I back out, people will die or become disabled (and my profession allows me to prevent disability). The question is not even that I will get "hit in the head". Ukraine will lose its military, its combat capability, which will allow villains to come here to do what they did in Irpen and Bucha all over the country. That is why I have to treat my job with responsibility and enthusiasm. I simply have no other choice.
- But you are also a living person with feelings and emotions. How do you deal with them? How do you pull yourself together in difficult moments?
- You need to be able to distinguish between family-friends and service. Although, of course, friends appear even here. It was in the army that I found a real friend. If you lose such a friend, you can be out of commission for a long time, as it happened to me. But the main thing is to protect our rear and be able to fully engage in service and do our job. This thought should be in your head as a guideline. You are useful, you are needed. Then, believe me, everything will be fine and dandy!
- Can you share a story about your best friend? What had happened?
- I have lost him... When I got to my battalion, there was another medic, Vsevolod. He was a great guy. We became friends. We went through the Kherson region together. Then we were sent to Donbas near Avdiivka. He volunteered to go to one of the frontline positions. When the time came to change, the tactical situation changed so much that an enemy sabotage and reconnaissance group was able to get close to their location and throw grenades at them. Out of seven people, one survived, hiding under the corpses and seeing everything that was happening there. He later turned to drinking and is now considered AWOL. But it's understandable, because he was twice in a similar shit. So my friend got the first grenade - he covered himself to save the guys. But the villains kept throwing, flew into the dugout and took everything, including the radios. I was on duty on the air that day. I heard what was happening... I could not believe it until the last moment. Until they brought the bodies. When the car opened, I saw my friend and realised it was true. Imagine, there was nothing inside his stomach - everything was outside... After that, I began to lose control. I could not control myself. He was like a brother to me. I was very distressed. My boss said: "You need to rest. You are completely disassembled". I was given three days off. Then the work made me gradually recover.
- I sympathise with you. The worst thing is that we are losing people in this war. It is especially painful when it comes to loved ones...
- Lady, you are absolutely right! You are passing this pain through yourself. You just can't do otherwise. Something breaks inside you. You know, he was his mother's only son. I will never forget how she screamed at the funeral... Such things stay in your memory forever.
- Didn't you go to a military psychologist then?
- No. I didn't have time for that.
-This is also an important topic now. I know that we lack military psychologists.
- Personally, I don't need it that much anymore. I treat it with relative coolness. When we were being taken out during the operation in Krynky, I had to lay on a corpse in the boat. And it was okay. Later, psychologists came up to me and asked if I needed help. I personally did not. But I know a lot of examples when guys develop PTSD after losing friends or being wounded, when they start using drugs and alcohol. A military psychologist is a very necessary profession to prevent people from getting involved in serious things.
- After captivity, psychologists are also needed. By the way, you told us that many of your fellow marines were captured there. How did their fates turn out?
- In different ways. Some have already returned.
- Have you spoken to them since the exchange? What did they tell you?
- Talking to them, you immediately realise that they are professional soldiers who have made a conscious choice. They have an attitude: it's just the way it is, we have to survive. There are some interesting stories. One of my comrades fought a Kadyrovite fighter with gloves on fair terms. In general, of course, my memories are not the best. Prison is not sugar and not a children's camp with adventures. People survive. They told me how they were held. There was almost nothing to eat. Speaking Ukrainian was forbidden, and there were those who betrayed their own for cigarettes - unfortunately, this happens. There are scoundrels everywhere. Here, too.
- Do you know any former prisoners of war who returned to fight?
- Yes, there are those who continued to fight. But not everyone can come back. I am sympathetic to this.
- You have mentioned Avdiivka in our conversation ...
- As soon as we were transferred there, they liberated Kherson, where our brigade had lost a lot of people. And those who did not take part in those battles are entering the city. It was offensive.
And our battalion arrived in Avdiivka already in combat and under fire. By that time, we had recruited some "meat". The work got better. Experience plays a huge role. That's why the situation here was different.
- But under any circumstances, it is very important that the soldiers have complete first aid kits. How are your guys doing with this?
- Oh, yes, ma'am, you're right! You know, back in 2022, this was our problem! Not because of the lack of first aid kits. Fortunately, we had them. The problem was different. You have to explain to people that you don't have to empty the first aid kits to hide cigarettes. It's so trivial and simple! But there were situations like this. It started in the Kherson region. Some of the boys came to the collection point and dumped the first aid kits there. This is wrong and inadequate. Because when there were "three hundred", others "gutted" their own to help, although this is also wrong. But they did it because, excuse me, and I'll quote what they say in such cases: otherwise you'll be a f@ggot. On the one hand, such an act is understandable. But on the other hand, one inadequate person threw away the first aid kit, and now someone else has to give him his. What the hell is wrong with that? This is the dissonance.
In general, a good soldier should have two first aid kits: one on his armour and one on his load-bearing belt. Some even threw away the only one, you know! This caused some difficulties. I fought with them. In Avdiivka, we didn't have such problems anymore. Moreover, medics were less involved, because our intelligence had already "pumped up their muscles" and, as a rule, the guys were the first to help the wounded. It happened that we delivered a bag of medicine to them every week. Everything worked very well for us.
- Did you have any problems with the turnstiles? I remember that at that time the guys complained about their quality.
- There were also such things. They took some of their own because their godfather had sent them. But when you know how these turnstiles tear, where do you go?
-So it happened that they didn't listen to you?
- At first. Over time, they began to listen. After all, turnstiles save lives. We gave our best. After all, these are our guys!
- I know of cases when soldiers who were seriously wounded asked medics to kill them during evacuation, as they could not bear the pain of hell. Have you had such cases?
- Before the fight, I was told: "In case something like this happens, finish me off!" I answered: "Yes, now! You don't die from pain". By the way, there is no such thing as pain shock. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a bad doctor. Pain itself does not cause shock. So, getting back to your question: I had a comrade from a neighbouring unit who had a huge piece of his back torn out. I was saving him. He was writhing in pain. At first, he asked me to give him something painkillers like morphine. But I couldn't, because this drug reduces the frequency of breathing. He already had a problem with this because of his injury. If you use morphine in such a case, the chances of death become higher. Then he half-jokingly said to finish him off. But, as they say, the sheriff doesn't care about the problems of the Indians (smiles - O.M.). Then he called me and thanked me. However, I don't know if he returned to service.
- What was your most difficult evacuation?
- It's hard when you look at the overlapped turnstiles and realise that the person will remain disabled. It's not my job to talk about such prospects. But they ask me. I cannot lie. And I don't want to tell the truth. Like any professional military man, I delegate this (smiles - O.M.), saying that this is not my area of responsibility, so let the specialist doctor answer the question. Although I see that there is no chance, I don't talk about it.
If we take specific cases, I will tell you a story from the Kherson region. A soldier had multiple hits to his pelvis, which destroyed it. He also had internal bleeding. We didn't try to stabilise him, because there was nothing much we could do on the spot - a person can die. It's difficult when you see that as a doctor you can't do anything. Even a prohibited haemotransfusion (blood transfusion in the field) would not help, as the bleeding could not be stopped. So we just flew to the stabilisation point. The speedometer was just "lying down"!
- Did he survive?
- He survived! It was an officer who tried to jump down me in the car (smiles - O.M.). But for me, at such moments, it doesn't matter who the person is by rank. I shouldn't pay attention to that, I should save him.
- At the frontline, the enemy's medics are a priority for destruction. Do you feel it?
- Of course, ma'am! It was, is and will be so. The enemy is well aware that one medic can save a hundred soldiers on average. So it's not difficult to calculate - it's simple mathematics.
- Do you use additional disguises?
- We are doing our best. For example, I try not to take off my armour and helmet unnecessarily. That is, I take personal safety equipment very seriously. I conduct such propaganda among my colleagues. I constantly drip on their brains (smiles - O.M.). But we need to understand that we live in the age of FPV - if you are spotted, they will do their best to destroy you. That's why we try to move quickly, not to be seen by the enemy, and disguise ourselves as much as possible.
- What advice would you give to those civilians who have decided to go to war but are hesitant about becoming a combat medic?
- In general, those who wanted to become a doctor have long since done so. Now, for example, in the Marines, those who are offered this opportunity during training come (I don't know if this is the case in the whole army). As a rule, people who do not feel good enough as fighters go. That is, the priorities have changed a bit.
- Finally, I would like to ask you if you believe that some kind of at least a conditional truce is possible in the near future?
- I do want a ceasefire, if only to save as many people as possible. But whether this will happen is a big question that I cannot answer for sure. I am not a military expert, so I will not talk about two or three weeks, no matter how much I would like it to happen. We'll see how it goes.
Olha Moskaliuk, "Censor.NET"
Photos provided by the hero
