Liudmyla Moriak: "I gave birth to Serhii’s daughter month after his death, and to his son… two years later"
Liudmyla and Serhii were together for just one year and two months. Serhii, who served in the 66th Brigade, became a father to the four children of the woman he loved. He dreamed of having two children with her. He was killed knowing that his first child, a daughter, was on the way. Even after his death, Liudmyla fulfilled their shared dream: through artificial insemination, she carried and gave birth to Serhii’s son as well. She and all her children now bear Serhii’s call sign, Moriak, as their surname. Five months before his death, Serhii had also changed his surname to Moriak.
This is an extraordinary story of love that conquered death. Serhii Moriak’s second child was born two years after he was killed in the war. His beloved made it possible. What she had to go through, the ordeals she overcame, the bureaucracy she faced… All while grieving the loss of the man she had been fortunate enough to meet. This is a story of pain and light intertwined, of loss and love, of death and birth.
It is important to understand that this is not the only case of a woman having her partner’s child through assisted reproduction after his death. The essential condition is that the man’s biological material has been stored, or that embryos, formed by combining his and the woman’s cells, have been frozen. More and more families are doing this. But Ukrainian law makes no provision for the birth of children after a parent’s death. To obtain a birth certificate that gives the child the deceased father’s surname and a patronymic derived from his name, a woman must go through the courts and undergo genetic testing. None of this adds to her happiness. Perhaps it takes someone as persistent as Liudmyla to keep going at every stage.
"WE LEFT THE PARK COMPLETELY SOAKED AND COMPLETELY IN LOVE"
Liudmyla lives with her children near Kyiv. She is an IT specialist and software tester. She is also a mother of many children. "My friends from Kyiv-Mohyla Academy remember me telling them I wanted five children. I don’t know why, because I didn’t grow up in a large family," she says. But her marriage to the father of her four children did not work out. The reason was fairly ordinary: he chose alcohol over his family… So Liudmyla was divorced when she met Serhii. But she had not given up on her personal life. Far from it.
Of course, I knew that I didn’t just come with baggage, as people say about women with children. I came with a whole train, Liudmyla says. But I tried to build a personal life even with four children. That’s why I signed up for Tinder. I wanted a man by my side. Many of the men I met on the app "left the chat" when I told them how many children I had. There were unsuccessful dates, too, and relationships that seemed to be taking shape but ended fairly quickly. It was when the full-scale war began that I clearly realized I needed more than a relationship with someone who supported me. I needed a family of my own; that was what I began asking the universe for. It had to do with how difficult it was for the children and me to get out of the area near Kyiv after the Russian offensive in 2022. I did a lot of things wrong. I felt as though I was putting the children in danger. I desperately wanted someone who could help me and give me advice.
- What exactly did you do wrong?
- I didn’t leave in time. I didn’t even have fuel in the car in those days. The company I work for had issued warnings and had even begun evacuating employees and their families to western Ukraine in advance, but I ignored it all. I couldn’t imagine the Russians would push into the Kyiv region! Besides the children, I had dogs and cats. Where could I take my German shepherd, and who would take her in? But we had to flee, because we lived in Horenka, near Moshchun outside Kyiv. This was where the Russians tried to advance on the capital. We spent the first week of the full-scale invasion in a basement. By then, I was afraid to leave. I was even afraid to put the children in the car because I had heard that an enemy sniper had killed a woman volunteer who was driving through our area… I was afraid to do anything at all. I felt paralyzed. I kept making mistakes. The fact that we’re all alive is sheer luck!
I found myself alone in an extreme situation. Every step I took was wrong, although, on the other hand, I did eventually get my family out! We were the first to arrive for the first evacuation bus. My company evacuated employees to Poland, and we joined them. We lived there for six months. After what we had been through at home, we were afraid to return. So we went to Scotland for another six months. But I needed to come home to get passports. That was when I met Serhii. It was his photo in front of a carpet that caught my eye.
It was September 7, 2022, Military Intelligence Day. We began exchanging messages and first met in early June 2023. He came to Kyiv both to support a fellow serviceman after a severe injury and to have surgery himself for an old arm injury.
- Was Serhii put off by the fact that you had so many children?
- When we met on the app, he didn’t leave the chat as soon as he heard. On the contrary, he reacted very positively: "Wow, you’re a superwoman." He admitted that he had no children of his own but had always admired parents with many children. Right after we met, our conversations became friendly. Serhii told me from the start that he was a lone sea wolf and that our evening messages connected him to another life. He was at war, defending Ukraine, and needed to hear about civilian life. "Your messages are fun to read," Serhii told me. "Keep writing to me, and in the evenings, after missions and battles, I’ll enjoy reading your long messages." I described our life in Scotland, where we lived on a large ship. I told him about everything with humor. In return, Serhii sent me funny videos from the war. The children and I watched them together, like greetings from an impressive Ukrainian soldier.
I hadn’t planned to stay in Scotland for more than six months, although everything there was organized quite conveniently. An office to help with paperwork had opened right on our ship. There was medical care, and dedicated transport took the children to school and brought them back. It all made life easier for me. I worked remotely. But I saw the refuge as temporary. I needed a little time to catch my breath and figure out what we wanted to do next. After six months of living that way, I decided to return home. That was when Serhii and I met.
We first saw each other on the eve of his surgery, near the hospital where his wounded fellow serviceman had recently come out of a coma. We had arranged to meet outside a small café. It was drizzling, but after Scotland, what was a little rain to me? As we approached the café, I said, "Why should we sit inside a stuffy room? Let’s walk in the park." We walked in the rain for three hours. We talked about everything, including things we had never discussed with anyone else. We left the park completely soaked and completely in love. We met several more times after that. I visited him after his surgery. I also needed to deliver camouflage nets we had woven for his unit. It was already his second order. In Scotland, we had tried to organize net weaving on the ship, but we were not allowed to. Eventually, we found a place and set up a net-weaving workshop called "Hlazopriady," which is still operating. I now do administrative work there: I order special fabric, raise funds, and coordinate with those who need nets. We sent Serhii his first net directly from Scotland.
After meeting just a few times, we had both fallen hard for each other. The lone sea wolf was no longer alone.
After the surgery, Serhii spent a month and a half in rehabilitation. We called that time our honeymoon. My younger children were staying with their grandmother, so I had time for a life of my own. Serhii spent a lot of time with his wounded fellow serviceman, helping him recover his memory and working with him extensively. After spending time with him, Serhii would see me. It was beautiful. We went to Trypillia, spent nights in a tent, drank wine… We were an ordinary couple in love.
In mid-July, Serhii returned to the front. He fought in the Lyman sector. We agreed to see each other whenever we could and that I would travel to wherever he considered safe. So, until the summer of 2024, I visited him in Kramatorsk. He spent his leave with us. He gave up the apartment he rented in Kotsiubynske because he had moved in with me.
"WE HAVE A BOY. HE’S 48 YEARS OLD. HE’S VERY NERVOUS"
- "I got pregnant on the fifth attempt," Lyudmila continues.
- Did you tell Serhii about the pregnancy right away?
- Yes. He got permission to come to Kyiv for the first appointment where we could hear the baby’s heartbeat. He was so happy. When we went in to see the doctors, I joked: "We have a boy here. He’s 48 years old. It’s his first pregnancy. He’s very nervous."
- How did you introduce your children to Serhii?
- He met Diana, my eldest daughter, while he was receiving treatment in Kyiv. He wasn’t worried about meeting the younger children because he was sure he would find a way to connect with them. But he was nervous about meeting Diana, who was already an adult. So was I. Diana had immediately passed judgment on all my previous relationships: "Mom, where did you find this one?" I would have hearts in my eyes, and she would ask, "Mom, can’t you see?" Serhii was the first man Diana approved of. She said straight away that he was different. She misses him terribly now, too, because he was the kind of father she had wanted all her life.
The younger children were staying with their grandmother, my mother, so they met Serhii later. Sometime in August, Maks overheard Serhii and me talking on the phone and joined the conversation. In September, Serhii came to Kyiv on business and stayed with us for a few days. That was when we became a family. He met the children and immediately won them over. That was just Serhii. He had an almost magical effect on people. In October, the whole family went on holiday together. He was given two weeks’ leave. From then on, we planned to spend our lives together.
Serhii said we were a perfect match because he had had four wives and I had four children. Our marriage would have been his fifth, and Mia would be my fifth child. So it was the perfect marriage.
He said that before we met, he had resigned himself to never having a family and remaining a lone sea wolf for the rest of his life. He was very close to his mother and sister. He once told his mother that, after the war, he wanted to adopt two boys and two girls. I don’t know how he planned or imagined doing that, but he meant it. He taught wushu in specialized groups for children with developmental differences. He talked about how much those children opened up around him. When he was joining the army, their mothers wanted to write letters and appeals asking that he not be taken away, so he could continue working with their children. But the decision to defend his country was his own.
My children come in seasons. There is a small age gap between the older two, Diana and Yaroslav. Then there was a break, followed by Max and Polina, one after the other. Children close in age are comfortable growing up together. That was how our little "gang-collab" came about. I was the one who first raised the subject of having children with Serhii. He adored mine. Each of them resembled him in some way: Max in his creativity and crooked teeth, Polina in her talent for drawing. That was why we called him their real father, and he wanted to adopt my children.
Having raised children close in age, I explained that Serhii and I should also have two, one after the other, and he agreed. We couldn’t imagine it any other way. That was what we told the clinic: we wanted two.
- Why did you go to a fertility clinic?
- Serhii took our wish to have children very seriously. When we made that decision, I was 42, and he was 48. We needed to know whether we could have healthy children, so we went to specialists to assess our chances. We truly wanted children. They told us I could conceive naturally. But the doctor pointed out: "You haven’t been together long. Keep trying. If necessary, you can have in vitro fertilization." We also decided to store Serhii’s biological material as a precaution, because the doctor explained that reproductive health can deteriorate rapidly during war. So we froze his biological material as a backup. The subject is being discussed now, but still not widely enough. The men still treat it as something to giggle about, as if they were in sixth grade, even though it is serious. At the clinic we went to, freezing biological material was already free for service members, even before the government program that is now in place.
Serhii promised me he wouldn’t be killed. He was the most cautious person and was always saving others. A month before his death, a man from his unit was killed. They had given him medical assistance and treated all his wounds, but had missed a tiny entry wound on his neck where a fragment had struck. It damaged a blood vessel and caused his death. After that, Serhii ordered special neck protection for himself. But when he and his fellow servicemen came under artillery fire, no protective gear could have saved him… Enemy fire struck the ammunition our group had brought with them. Serhii was beside it; the other men were a little farther away. It happened on August 30, 2024…
"SERHII WAS A FREEDIVER, SO HE GENTLY DESCENDED TO THE SEABED OFF GREECE, WHERE HE HAD EARNED HIS SKIPPER’S LICENSE"
- You didn’t have time to get married…
- We planned to, but there were obstacles, very unpleasant ones, that caused me problems even after Serhii’s death. He was a kind, empathetic person, and at one point he had agreed to a marriage of convenience with a Russian woman. At the beginning of the full-scale war, he even still believed there were "good Russians" who deserved help… That woman’s "sugar daddy" paid for a friend of Serhii’s medical treatment. When the question of divorce came up, the manipulation began… But that, as I say, is the second storyline of our story… What matters is that the court recognized our relationship as a de facto marriage, even though I had only a one percent chance of winning the case. The proceedings lasted more than a year. It was a dirty, unpleasant case. I heard plenty from that woman, but Serhii had lived with me and gone on holidays with us, and I won. Because we had not been legally married, I also had to establish through the courts that Serhii was Mia’s father. At one point, I had three court cases under way at the same time. It was exhausting. But I knew I could get through it all. Serhii had a way of setting himself tasks that seemed impossible to others, and then accomplishing them. We were already together when my eldest son died. Serhii later admitted there had been only a one percent chance he would be allowed to leave. He did the impossible to get away from his mission, from the war. He did many things others could not. That was Serhii. He believed he should take paths no one else had taken. So I have to keep carrying out what he had planned, though I won’t be able to do all of it without him.
We said goodbye to Serhii three weeks after Mia was born. Two kilograms of remains were all that was left of him. I am deeply grateful to the men who managed to recover even that much. They apologized for bringing back so little… But returning was terribly dangerous. They had to go back to the position they had been forced to abandon after the explosion that killed Serhii. DNA testing confirmed that the remains were his. We had him cremated, and in the spring the children and I took the urn with his ashes to the sea and lowered it to the seabed near the place where Serhii had earned his skipper’s license.
- Why there?
- After my son died, the three of us, Serhii, my brother and I, were trying to decide what to do with his body while in shock and despair. That was when I said, "Now each of you tell me what should be done with your body if you die." Serhii said, "Cremate me and take me to the sea." He even chose the urn he wanted for his ashes. So that is what I did. We did not scatter his ashes over the sea. Serhii was a freediver. After his death, he gently descended to the seabed.
I still cannot believe Serhii is dead, that I will never feel his embrace again. But the first few months were especially hard. Before Christmas, when the company I work for gave us more days off than I had expected, I didn’t know what I would do with myself. So I contacted Lesia Lytvynova’s SVOI Foundation, went to meet them, briefly told them my story, and asked them to give me plenty to do. I knew they would be short of help before the holidays. I offered mine, and Lesia gave me several tasks. I drove a serviceman to his unit with tiny Mia beside me. I became a kind of Santa for one family, and I still keep in touch with them. It helped me get through the holidays.
When we met, Serhii told me that he had spent several years working at sea after his army service. He then left the sea and became a designer. He headed the design department at Epicentr’s head office. After another crisis in his life, he decided he wanted to return to the sea, so he earned a skipper’s license in Greece. As we walked through the park, he said he should have been somewhere in the Pacific Ocean by then. But the war had happened, so he had to be here, see it through, and only then return to the sea.
I didn’t mind the idea of him going back to sea. I had already lived in other countries. I wouldn’t say I was enthusiastic about it, but it didn’t frighten me either. Serhii had never had that experience. He really wanted to try living on a yacht by the ocean, so that when he returned from sea, his family would be nearby rather than a thousand kilometers away. And what about me? I could take my laptop and work from anywhere. We were ready to try that life. We had a plan, and the thought of all of us traveling after victory excited us.
Serhii also dreamed of taking the men he served with to the sea in Greece after the war, to help them recover emotionally. When I realized that our daughter would receive financial assistance after her father’s death, I thought about using that money to buy either a property or a yacht. His fellow servicemen could then spend time by the sea to recover, as he had wanted. The idea is still in my mind. I’m afraid to put it into practice. Besides, I still haven’t received the money.
In April this year, I chartered a yacht to see what it would be like. We all threw up, excuse me… But no. A yacht without Seryozha isn’t the same. So now I’m looking at apartments near the town off whose coast Serhii’s ashes lie beneath the waves. His fellow servicemen could come there and be closer to him.
- It is frightening when a pregnant woman’s partner is killed… Above all, you fear for her. Will she carry the baby to term? Who will support her? How will she find the strength to welcome a new life while grieving?
- The fellow serviceman Serhii had come to visit in the hospital when we first met helped me enormously. Serhii had practically pulled him through a medical crisis. His friend had suffered a severe traumatic brain injury and fallen into a coma. His brain was struggling to recover, but he responded to Serhii’s voice. The doctor asked the soldier’s relatives, "Can we get that 'stimulus' in here?" And Serhii helped bring him back. After Serhii was killed, his friend created a chat with other fellow servicemen and added me. They all supported me there. They became the people I could lean on. In time, Serhii’s friend also became Mia’s godfather.
Serhii very much wanted a photographer he knew to be there for Mia’s birth. But Nastia couldn’t come after September 25 because she was going abroad. Mia was born on September 28. At the time, I felt as though everyone had abandoned me. So when I was pregnant with Oles, I reminded her: "Nastia, you owe me one." This time she was there, photographing the first moments of our son’s life. She was also the one who cut the umbilical cord.
Serhii and I had little time together. One year and two months. But in that time, he told me so much about his life that when people occasionally appear and recall something about him, I can immediately add to what they say because I remember his stories. Serhii was an example to many people in different ways. To some, he was a sensei: he had taught martial arts for a time and held a black belt. To others, he was a kind man with an open heart and a compulsion to rescue people. He had to save the world!
"During his army service, in 1994 (!), Serhii took part in an international competition in the Netherlands. A local newspaper even published a close-up photo of him. When a cameraman walked past the formation, Serhii broke the rules, turned toward him and smiled broadly. He was very worried afterward that his commanders would reprimand him. Instead, they praised him and told him he looked great. And he really did look great," says Liudmyla, who still keeps the newspaper.
"WHEN I WENT FOR THE EMBRYO TRANSFER, I TOOK THE FLEECE JACKET SERHII HAD LEFT IN THE CAR BEFORE HE WAS KILLED"
- When did you decide to use Serhii’s frozen biological material to have another child?
- After Serhii was killed, I went to see our fertility specialist. She had always been very warm toward us. We called ourselves old-timers. She laughed at our jokes with us and was genuinely pleased that we took our plans for children so seriously. After Serhii’s death, she sent me a message of condolence, and I asked her about his biological material. She suggested that I come in so we could talk. It was difficult for both of us. My main concern was whether the biological material might be destroyed, because there had already been a scandal over the disposal of tissue belonging to a deceased man. I was worried the clinic might do something with it. They assured me it would not be destroyed.
I needed time to decide what to do. I still had to give birth to Mia. At that point, what remained of the man I loved had not yet been brought back… But I had the standard set of documents, including a notarized authorization giving me the right to make decisions about Serhii’s biological material. It stated that we lived together as a couple and that it would remain valid even in the event of Serhii’s death. When we prepared those documents, the wording "valid in the event of my death" cut me to the quick. But we had done it as a precaution… Then the day came when those documents became very important.
I have been seeing a psychotherapist since Serhii was killed, and I still do. It is very important to me. I discussed with the therapist the fact that I had this possibility and that we had dreamed specifically of having two children. I also told my eldest daughter that I wanted to have another child with Serhii. I needed people to lean on. My daughter, who is now 21, supported me immediately. She knew we had dreamed of two children and had seen how happy we were. She once wrote a post about Serhii because she respected him deeply, had grown to love him, and saw him as someone she looked up to. So as soon as I told her what I wanted, she said, "I understand why you want to do this." That was enough for me. I didn’t tell many people about my decision because I was certain of it and didn’t need advice.
My psychotherapist told me, "If you don’t go through with the procedure, no one will judge you." I have a list of our dreams. There are some I cannot fulfill. Serhii had even created his own camouflage design that would also be suitable for hunters. I cannot carry that project forward because I have no idea what to do with the design. But there were things I could do. I took the urn with his ashes to Greece and lowered it into the sea where he wanted to be. And I could try to have another child. If I hadn’t become pregnant on the first attempt, perhaps I would have lost heart. That was what I feared most. After hormonal stimulation and the retrieval of my eggs, the doctors obtained two healthy embryos. One was excellent quality; the other was weaker. So I was afraid it wouldn’t work…
The night before the embryo transfer, I had a dream. There is a little background to it. Serhii had crossed paths with Yaryna Chornohuz at their positions. Before the procedure, she sent me footage from her GoPro and asked, "Is this your husband?" But the file was damaged, so I couldn’t watch it. Then I dreamed that Seryozha and I were planning our second child. We agreed on where to meet. We talked about meeting in Pavlohrad this time, perhaps, and exchanged messages about it. In the next scene, we were sitting in the kitchen, laughing at his jokes. Then I grew serious and said, "You’re going to be killed, and Yaryna will send me a video of you. And we’ll have two children." Serhii hugged me tightly and said, "It will all work out for us." Then I woke up. I went to the clinic feeling incredibly calm. I drank some of his pu-erh tea, which I use sparingly because he loved it and it is what remains of his supply. I put on his Spotify and took his fleece jacket. I took it with me when I gave birth, too. It was from Serhii’s last mission. He was killed on August 30. It was still hot, so he had taken off the jacket and left it in the car. For the first few weeks, I slept with it. His scent remained in the fabric for a long time…
On the seventh day after fertilization, I received a test result showing that implantation had occurred.
- Do you often dream of Serhii?
- I dreamed of him quite recently, after Oles was born. My son and I were asleep on the bed, with Mia in her cot beside us. In the dream, Serhii came in to look at his children. I woke up to the sound of his trousers rustling. It felt so real! He doesn’t appear in my dreams often. I wish I could see him more… After Mia was born, I was at the bottom, in darkness. I can call Oles a little light. He is the light that broke through the darkness. I feel very different now. After Mia was born, I cried all the time, but now I see my son’s birth as a natural progression.
- Did you and Serhii choose the children’s names together? Why did you name your son Oles?
- Serhii chose Mia’s name. He wanted an unusual name for our daughter, and it came to him almost immediately. In Scandinavian countries, "Mia" means "rebellious." My eldest daughter once looked up the name in English and found "little pearl of the sea" among its meanings. That felt very symbolic. Serhii and I hardly discussed boys’ names, so the children and I chose our son’s name ourselves. I cannot shake the thought that Serhii might have chosen something else. Many people said the boy should be named Serhii after his father. But I was firmly against it, especially since Serhii’s own patronymic was Serhiiovych. I did not want to do that. I was carrying a person in his own right, not a copy of someone else. So the children and I chose the name together. Polina, Maks, and I decided on Oles.
- Do you know of other women who have also given birth using the frozen biological material of their husbands or fiancés who were killed?
- I wrote on Threads that I was carrying Serhii’s second child. After that, a woman who works at the Ministry for Veterans Affairs contacted me. At her request, we recorded a video supporting the preservation of reproductive cells. She told me that, according to their figures, I was expected to be the ninth woman to take this step. But I learned on social media that another woman gave birth to a girl on July 28. She and her husband, who had been killed, had stored embryos. She had a declaration authorizing their use after his death, so she was able to avoid going to court.
Recently, in a women’s Telegram group, I read about a young woman whose boyfriend had been killed. She was in a terrible state because they had planned to store his biological material but had not done so in time. Her friend asked whether it was possible to use a procedure in Ukraine that is already performed in Israel. Biological material can be retrieved from a man’s testicles after his death, but only within a very short time, either 24 or 36 hours. She was asking whether anyone does this in Ukraine…
- Will you have to go to court again to register Oles and have Serhii listed as his father?
- Yes. I have to begin another bureaucratic process to establish Oles’s paternity, even though the fertility clinic has records showing that Serhii’s biological material was used. But the law sets out no procedure for this. These gaps need to be closed. There is a program promoting the preservation of biological material, but many questions about its use remain unanswered. If a woman dies, for example, her husband cannot arrange for a surrogate to carry their child. There is no legal procedure or authorization for that. Similarly, a woman without a partner has the right to freeze her genetic material, doesn’t she? She does. But what can be done with it if she dies? Can it be donated? None of this is addressed in our laws. It would make sense for parents and partners to have the right to use the reproductive material of someone who has died.
Amendments are now expected to be made to the draft of a new Civil Code. It already sets out a procedure for married couples to use frozen biological material. But what about unmarried partners? It says nothing about them. I hope they will be included, so women living with their partners are not left out, as I was.
I would like there to be as few bureaucratic obstacles as possible. These decisions are difficult enough already. A court should not be the one deciding whether a woman can have a child with her husband or partner after his death. There should be legislation governing this. The war in Ukraine has been going on since 2014, yet conception after a person’s death is still not regulated by law. I am very grateful to my lawyer, who handled my case skillfully, presented the arguments, and used every document we had. The law provides for the storage of biological material, but says nothing about its use after a person’s death.
Laws should help us, not stand in our way. This also needs to be explained to society so that people understand those who want to have children instead of attacking them and saying that we are condemning our children to grow up without a father. I have personally received comments like that. We need support, not hostility.
Everyone who knew Serhii believed that a part of him should live on in his children. They are all glad that it worked out and that we decided to preserve his biological material. Despite my age and all the difficulties, I managed to give birth to two of his children. Of course, I will never be able to raise them the way Serhii would have. When his sister turned one, they were 15 years apart, he gave her a kimono. So I am sure Mia would already have had one. Oles would have had one, too. People like Serhii should live on through their children. It is wonderful that reproductive technology can help make that possible, allowing someone like him to live on in his children even after his death.
When Serhii became part of our family’s life, the way we saw the world changed so much… I could hardly believe that such happiness had come to us during the war. Serhii was always thinking up gifts, ordering them and sending them to us. We talked about our plans for the future and joked a lot. That year and two months with him were the happiest time our family had ever known…
Violetta Kirtoka, Censor.NET
