DPA and Klopotenko. Bananas with curry, mice in batter

Yesterday, the Defense Procurement Agency announced the launch of a joint project with chef Yevhen Klopotenko to develop menus for military units. That same evening, I suspect that both the DPA and Klopotenko himself read a lot of interesting things about themselves. From jokes about "bananas with curry" to sarcastic questions like, "Will there be fried mice in batter?"

And, frankly speaking, such a reaction is quite natural. Because what the DPA did resembles an attempt to hang beautiful curtains in a kitchen that reeks of rotten meat.

It is impossible to create a beautiful menu if the basic problems with food supply have not been solved.

Over the past few months, there have been several scandals in food supply, confirming that neither corruption nor quality control issues have been resolved.

First, for several weeks, the country watched the scandal surrounding the head of the food service of one of the units in the Dnipropetrovsk region. According to the investigation, he became so wealthy that he bought a BMW, a Toyota, luxury clothes and even an apartment in Bali — while the soldiers in his unit were receiving rotten vegetables.

Besides the head of the food service, there's another side to this story. It's called the Busk Canning Plant.

But no one is talking about this participant in the scheme. As far as I know, no action has been taken against him.

And this raises a perfectly logical question.

Last year, the agency terminated its contract with Grand Prix, which was involved in a similar story. So, if the DPA does not take any action against the Busk Canning Plant now, a very unpleasant question will arise: is the agency applying double standards?

Secondly, for two months I received reports from the military that they were not receiving some of the products they had ordered in the Vinnytsia region.

In private conversations, I found out that due to the price war in the catalogue, when companies were slashing prices at auction by billions, some (those who had not learned how to buy heads of the food service) were unable to deliver at the agreed prices.

This raises two questions.

First, why did the company agree to the contract in the first place if it did not have the financial capacity to fulfil it?

Second, how did the DPA check its financial capacity when concluding the agreement?

The contract was terminated only two months later.

And this happened against the backdrop of another important decision. DPA announced a new food procurement framework, which is approximately 12 billion hryvnias more expensive than the previous cycle.

Now it will be very interesting to see at what price the agency will contract with companies that are not publicly visible for daily rations within this framework.

One way or another, the DPA has a whole range of problems that remain without a systematic solution.

For example, questions about the quality control of dairy products remain unanswered.

There are also questions about the quality control of canned meat, when companies do not pass inspections for months and the military does not receive canned meat.

But instead of solving these problems or at least having an honest conversation about them, we will receive a beautiful booklet with a menu from Klopotenko.

There is just one problem.

It is impossible to prepare a good dish from meat that weighs ten kilograms on paper but only five kilograms after thawing.

Just as it is impossible to make a gastronomic masterpiece from rotten vegetables.

But PR must live on.

And here, the story of 2024 comes to mind.

At that time, the head of the DPA, Zhumadilov, got into a conflict with food suppliers. As a result, military units did not receive enough food for a month. Volunteers stepped in again. I have not changed my attitude towards the food mafia.

But I still shudder at one incident. At that time, a meeting was held at the Ministry of Defence. And, as they say, one very creative participant in the discussion — possibly Kyrylo Tymoshenko — proposed a rather simple idea: to visit a military unit and take some nice photos with Klopotenko.